Friends, Romans, Countryballs.

To think it was only two years ago where we told players, just play through it. We thought that because we couldn't see it, it didn't exist. It wasn't like a bad connection, or a shitty laptop, where you couldn't physically roll as well. This was a new type of problem that we've never seen before. New studies conducted in official laboratories* show that the Spawncussion issue is very real, and impacts 1 in every 3 veterans. We can't keep ourselves blind about this issue forever, and the time is now to face reality.

Over the years, veterans like Dino and Turbo have been popped many times. They kept playing because we didn't know any better. However these recent studies show that repeated trauma to the cerebral coretex can cause malformation in the neurons associated with skill level. The blunt force endured when respawning is enough to trigger this after one time. When you get players like Stalin who have continually popped since their rookie season so long ago, you can see the correlation with his declining skill level. To paraphrase honeybear "[Stalin was] last relevant in Season 5". As you can see, this presents a troublesome predicament for MLTP. How much do we value the health of our own players?

Fortunately we can learn from mistakes in the past. Scientists have found several ways to prevent spawncussions that should be implemented immediately in MLTP. First of all, limit your pops to 3 or less per game , although 0 is ideal. Secondly, wear helmets at all times, no player should enter the map without a certified helmet. Third, we need to reduce the amount of time we let players play, so that they do not respawn one too many times and receive permanent health complications. Finally, we should punish all flagrant returns or tags , these are the main cause of respawns and should be looked into with great detail.

The MLTP will most likely censor this, as widespread knowledge of the long-term health detriments of Tagpro will almost certainly be the downfall of the league. I don't care if I get censured for this, it's time the truth got out there. Also maybe Will Smith can play me in a movie one day.

*Trust that this is legitimate research. I don't have an actual source.